white noise

I’m actually on top of some of the big releases this year (typically I’m months behind what everyone else is talking about). You might recall earlier this year Pirates didn’t win me over, how about the latest rush of blockbusters?

Transformers

I went to this, like a lot of aged transformer fans, with caution. Let’s face it, there’s was plenty of potential for suck here. But like most fans I was pleasantly surprised. Make no mistake, there’s not much substance to the plot, but the flim makers played to their strengths and delivered an action packed, CGI-engorged boner for all of nerdom.

The movie is very fast paced, which is perfect because it keeps you from thinking too hard about the storyline or the creative liberties taken by the designers with the look of each mechanized star. The action is so fast, however, that it became my main complaint while watching the movie. The robots were so detailed, the transformations so complex, and their motions so fast, that after all the post production motion blur, frantic scene editing, and gratuitous camera movements you get a strong sense you’re missing a lot of eye candy. There was also the multi-million dollar GM product placement deal, which ruined the original auto-identities we grew up with. Still, between the visuals you could see, the original voice of Optimus Prime, and some unexpected humor, the movie was good fun. Yes, it could have been better, but man could it have been a lot worse.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

After four previous Harry Potter movies, what exactly do you go to the forth expecting? Well I don’t go in expecting to see a 2+ hour trailer for the next movie, but I think that’s what I got. Part of the unwritten pledge of creating a long line of movie sequels should be to ensure that each movie tells enough of a story to stand on its own. Yes, the movie will pick up as if it hasn’t been a year and half since the last, and everything is still fresh in mind. Yes, there will be lose ends leading to the next sequel. But even with those disclaimers, Phoenix just doesn’t deliver.

I should mention that I’ve never read any of the Potter books, and as such I’m judging the flick without any additional knowledge. I’m sure a large portion of the audience had plenty of context they could frame this movie with (provided they remember the book which was released four years ago).

While the previous HP films never blew me away, I thought they were all pretty impressive. Apparently this installment had a new director and screenwriter on board and the change (for the worse) is very apparent. This movie is quite slow and dialog heavy. Yet despite all the exposition, there seems to be so much left unsaid and so little accomplished. I’d say roughly the first third of the movie is more of an epilogue to the “Goblet of Fire”, and the other two thirds a setup for something to come later. The scenes of Dumbledore’s Army in training were entertaining, but it didn’t lead to much. Even the final battle with Voldemort came off to me as another bump and run fight like at the end of Goblet. What about those Centaurs, the giants, and of course the Death Eaters? I guess I’m looking at November 2008 before I learn anything more.

Knocked Up

The buzz for Knocked Up has been circling for a while now and I finally got the chance to check it out. The film makers did a great job of crafting a movie to fit most audiences. From the married “Cheaper by the Dozen” demographic to the “Harold and Kumar” college crowd, there’s a little humor here for everyone. And despite the fact that I passed the mid-thirty water mark, I can definitely tell I still fall toward the later since I found myself busting up at the scenes of bong hits and Cirque du psychedelia a lot more than those in the gyno office or delivery room. If anything doesn’t work about the movie as a whole, it’s that at times it seems like separate skits were sewn into the movie to keep the laughs going. None the less, the laughs are there, so I can’t complain too much. I imagine editing sessions where there was a lot of “we can cut that scene, it’s hilarious”.

The real gems in the movie are not the stars, but the cast of supporting weirdos. Paul Rudd does a good job as the husband at wit’s end, and Kristen Wiig was even better as the bitter-under-breath co-worker. The casting for Ben’s friends is also great – as are their continual beard jokes. Throw in Ryan Seacrest dropping F-bombs, and what more do you need. Overall, I put the film on par with “The 40-year Old Virgin” (same writter/director). It doesn’t rank among my most favorite comedies, but it might be for this year.

(Arr, there be no spoilers here, matey).
We made a rare trip to an actual movie theatre two weekends ago to join in the box office frenzy of Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End. Maybe instead of frenzy, I should say fiasco, because it’s a shame this mess of a movie will be among the highest grossers of the year (and all time).

A lot of reviews have complained that the plot falls somewhere on the scale between convoluted and incomprehensible. I can appreciate how some of this “plot play” comes from the idea that pirates are morally ambiguous – but still the erratic storyline and characters’ changing allegiances didn’t do much to make the movie any more enjoyable – only longer. It seems to be a movie that begs you to concentrate on the story while not at all taking itself seriously (more on that in a minute). And that’s I think where a lot of viewers have problems following the movie…as soon as they turn off their mind to endure the high seas slapstick, several twists in the story throw them off course.

From the opening scene, I was pleasantly surprised – the somber executions had me thinking we were in for a darker, more mature Pirates movie. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t go in expecting a serious, dark pirate flick, but seeing a flash of that made me realize what a cool tact that could have been. But instead it was only a matter of time before Disney shellac and gratuitous CGI sent things whirling into the abyss. In many cases it seemed even the good stuff was just so overcooked it lost its flavor. None the less here’s a little rundown of my impressions:

Acting:

• Depp was very good (most of the time), though some of the shticks and hallucinations seemed to really push the bounds of self-indulgence. Still, I can forgive that, it is his franchise after all.
• Geoffrey Rush was great (most of the time), with his twisted snarl and boisterous laugh he was the only guy that reminded you this was a pirate movie.
• Keira Knightley makes for a fun enough pirate grrrl, but her speeches taken from Braveheart were painful to sit through.
• Orlando Bloom? Forgettable.
• Keith Richards was a fun addition, and had by far the best sea-worn make-up…oh wait, nevermind.
• Chow Yun-Fat was pretty enjoyable as a much needed bad ass, but I still had to wonder whether the addition of the whole Asian pirate collective was really necessary.

Gags:

• Undead, flaming monkey: Awesome.
• Attack of the 50 foot sea goddess: Horrible and useless.
• Crazy Jack’s delusions: Brilliant, in Davy Jones locker, but eventually annoying and dumb (pocket Jack hanging from a braid and “don’t move I’ve lost my brain”).
• Repeated metaphors of man parts: Horrible – save those for the next Ben Stiller movie.

What else:

• Costumes: Awesome – there’s no denying that one.
• Soundtrack: I gotta give some credit here, if there is one thing that helps moves this 168 minutes behemoth along it’s the music.
• Pirate lords and the pirate king: Whatever – useless to the plot.
• Battles: Hand to hand and ship to ship all pretty well done; no doubt that’s why most people will pay the money to see it and why some will say it was a good movie.

In summary, damn you Jerry Bruckheimer, you suckered me again!

While I’m not as voracious as Donna when it comes to plowing through books, I’ve still managed to read a number of Stephen King’s works over the years. And as great as the stories are (I think I’ve been lucky to read only really, really good ones), it’s disappointing how often they become subpar movies. Sometimes they’re horrible throughout, sometimes just too campy, and sometimes they are just spoiled by a lame ending. His movies also have a knack for being ruined by being produced as network TV miniseries.

But that’s not to say there aren’t gems among them. There is the iconic classic “The Shining”. Of course “Carrie” ranks up there even though the acting wasn’t top notch. And who can forget Kathy Bates in “Misery”? More recently there have actually been a few great movies as well, and it turns out a couple have a screenwriter/director in common, Frank Darabont.

Darabont directed both “The Shawshank Redemption” (1994) and “The Green Mile” (1999), likely King’s most successful big-screen conversions. Now, Darabont is finishing up work on “The Mist”, which is a short story/novella from King’s 1985 book “Skeleton Crew”. I think “Skeleton Crew” was the first Stephen King book I ever read and I vividly remember being glued to the pages. but fearful of turning them.

From what I’ve seen the casting hasn’t pulled in any heavyweights like Hanks or Robbins in the other flicks, but I’m still very optimistic. I suspect the quality of the movie will actually hinge a lot more on the drama of being trapped and the mystery of what’s in the mist and not showing what’s in the mist. “The Mist” is scheduled to be released on November 21st, and I can’t wait! I also hope to have finally finished King’s Dark Tower series and have a chance to re-read the story before then.